From an article I wrote 18th October, 2020, link at the bottom.

In September 2005, a few weeks before my 34th birthday, I had a serious car accident on the motorway, which led me to being diagnosed with M.E. (‘Myalgic Encephalomyelitis is a long-term (chronic), fluctuating, neurological condition that causes symptoms affecting many body systems, more commonly the nervous and immune systems. M.E. affects an estimated 250,000 people in the UK, and around 17 million people worldwide.’ - https://www.actionforme.org.uk/get-information/what-is-me/what-does-me-feel-like/)

On top of that when I was 18 I’d had a car crash and my sacrum was twisted through whiplash and lodged in my pelvis, which caused serious pains in my spine and back most of my life. Another accident on a jet ski in Malaysia in 1996 - which I believe also nearly ended my life, meant I had been bashed around quite a lot - I had actually ended up in a hospital in Singapore - where I lived at the time - on a traction bed for a week which was fun I recall - I could lift myself up and down at the push of a button! (I could do with that now to lift up my lard ass - oops!)

From 2005 - 2011, I really struggled with M.E. and my spinal injuries. I remember lots of pain, problems at different times walking as swinging my leg forward was very painful. Sometimes I couldn’t feel my legs. M.E. is horrible. I was absolutely drained, exhausted. Pain in my body and head was relentless. I looked ok, and had to live knowing many people thought I was making it up, and because sometimes I was ok, and lived a pretty normal life, I would get lots of remarks like ‘pull yourself together’ which I eventually began to ignore, and understood people really didn’t understand, so it wasn’t their fault.

I had spent years trying different things to help my back problems, radiotherapy, massage, keeping myself fit, in Singapore where I lived from 1995 - 2001, I went swimming almost every day and walked everywhere and I did yoga every day for about 15 years. I was fit and healthy up until 2005.

For those of you reading this with M.E., you will understand. It is very difficult to live with. You have to learn to pace yourself. I could do one small thing in a day and end up in bed for a week or two afterwards. If, for example, a wedding came up, to prepare myself I would sleep most of the time for 2 weeks before the special day so I could get through it on the day. It’s like being trapped in your own body, my mind wanted to do things, but my body just couldn’t cope. I didn’t have depression, but it was becoming increasingly harder to remain optimistic as there was no cure.

I was told my organs would probably deteriorate earlier than others and that it could lead to heart problems, and my fitness levels decreased so much at times that I found it hard to get upstairs, never mind out the house for a walk. But this was off and on. It is sneaky, when you think you’re ok, you do too much, and pay the consequences. In the worst times, the ringing in my ears, pain in my eyes in bright light, the ability to talk for 5 minutes before my head hurt, then shutting down and needing to lie down and slip into sleep (the only place it didn’t hurt) was unbearable. My life shrank. I stopped communicating with many people because I just couldn’t handle talking. I relied on my family and close friends and they were amazing, because sometimes I was ok, and it must have been very frustrating and baffling for them too. When it was really bad, I couldn’t watch T.V, read a book, go on the computer, or do anything that needed any amount of concentration for longer than minutes at a time before indescribable pain in my head, my brain, would make me shut down. I couldn’t breathe and my whole body felt like it was bursting.

Over 6 years, obviously I looked into cures, as you would, and tried lots of different things. Food being the one I focussed on the most. I tried different diets, eating one thing, omitting another. I tried omitting dairy, it didn’t work. Sugar, it didn’t work. Gluten, didn’t work. Meat, didn’t work………. this went on and on. I tried supplements, different combinations, different amounts and I rattled with supplements at times. It didn’t work. A slight breakthrough came when I came across ‘Forever Living’ Aloe Vera. It was the only improvement to my general well being - I even signed up to them so I could buy it cheaper, and would drink some every day, and I also took bee propolis - a natural anti biotic. I was on no other medication - a saving grace when I look back as I never became dependant on any drugs or medication - my doctor said there wasn’t anything she could prescribe. I didn’t take pain killers either. Nothing.

I’d had to give up teaching in 2006 and over 6 years of living with this illness, I gave up any desire to conquer the world, my ambitions, the many adventures to continue my travels in the world, doing the great British Coast to Coast walk, achieving anything significant, working outdoors, a career, having children….. In 2008 me and my husband decided to go for it and fly to New Zealand and live in a van for 6 months, which we did, and it was amazing. I was in beautiful surroundings ill, instead of at home ill! We had hoped it would cure me. We even swam with a dolphin (who actually looked like it felt sorry for me as I floated on the surface of the water in my wetsuit with loads of lead weights around my waist because I couldn’t sink and I couldn’t breathe properly through the snorkel - not as romantic or life changing as I had expected!) Being in nature did make me feel a lot happier, but I didn’t recover. (If you’re wondering how I got there - I just got there like anyone else, but just slept anytime I could and suffered knowing at the other end I would be somewhere quiet).

The trip taught me a lot, by this time, I had resigned myself to the fact that I would be living with this for the rest of my life. I began to realise I could be happy with my lot, and appreciated how incredibly fortunate and lucky I actually was. I still really enjoyed the whole experience, the precious time with my husband - who is a diamond. He stood firmly by my side and still does. I let go of more attachments and expectations and found some level of contentment.

My dad and husband took me to France in 2009, hoping that the change of scenery might help me recover, and for us to have some time together, camping. It was in France, by the side of Lac Du Salagou; a large lake near to Clermont l'Herault in the Herault department of Languedoc Roussillon, that I first heard about Falun Dafa.

One day an English gentleman, about the same age as my dad, parked next to us in his mobile home. I felt instantly at ease with him and enjoyed chatting to him. He lived in Canada and had a Chinese girlfriend at the time, and had come to this area because of the roads. His passion was cycling, like my dad and my husband.

We shared one very bright starry night which I will never forget. There was little light around from nearby towns so the sky was really dark and the stars shone so brightly. The air was clear and sweet and all was quiet. We sat by his table, just the two of us, accompanied by the comforting, melodious chirping of crickets. We were drinking a fine bottle of red wine, and we started to unwind.

 He had noticed I wasn’t well and so I told him about my poor health. He listened intently and then offered me some kind advice. He told me about Falun Gong (also known as Falun Dafa) and that his girlfriend practiced it. She had told him it was very good for coordination and concentration. He said she swore by it and was in very good health and, although he didn’t practice it himself, he knew it was really good. He didn’t tell me much more about it other than that. I wrote the words ‘Falun Gong’ in the back of my journal under the name of the wine we were drinking! - and forgot all about it! Little did I know at the time, a tiny seed had been planted.

In 2009 I signed up for a short course called the Lighting Process, which was ‘NLP’ and it did help me realise I had more control over my brain than I had realised, but it didn’t cure me, although it helped me to think about things slightly differently.

In May, 2011, a few months before my 40th (life begins at 40!) I received a leaflet though my door to learn Falun Dafa (Falun Gong) a traditional Buddhist self cultivation practice, a mind and body practice free to learn in a local community centre, with 4 exercises that reminded me of Tai Chi and a sitting meditation. It said the teachings focussed on the Universal Principles of Truth, Compassion and Tolerance. After trying everything else, I decided to go and see what it was and I took my husband’s mum along too.

And it’s no secret that it was in fact by practicing Falun Dafa that I made a full recovery. The exercises helped me both physically and mentally, were gentle enough for me to cope with after being so weak for such a long time and really easy to learn. I went to a free class every week and then, because you can learn the exercises free online, and also have access to the books and other reading materials free online, I watched founder, Master Li Hongzhi on the official Falun Dafa website doing the exercises on my computer every day and copied him until I’d learnt them. I read the beginner’s book ‘Falun Gong’. It took me a year to sit in full lotus, which is not compulsory, but it is best if you can. After a few months I had become much stronger, and one day I felt a really hot sensation in my lower back where my sacrum was lodged, like hot oil being injected into my back and at the time I thought, should I get up or trust this beautiful, ancient practice? Thankfully, I decided to sweat through the pain and I remember a loud cracking pop in my back and I have had no issues with my back ever since! I put it down to faith, trust and the powerful effects of the practice. I also studied the main teachings in the book ‘Zhuan Falun’ which helped me understand what was happening to me both mentally and physically, and I haven’t looked back. It’s difficult to explain the amount of mental and physical rehabilitation I had to work through, but I honestly owe it all to the practice. I have studied and practiced daily ever since and it has done me a lot of good and helped with other things like courage, confidence, patience, endurance and really helped me be able to care for others (a dying aunt last year, and now parents - mum with a fractured spine (osteoporosis) and my dad is waiting for surgery on his spine as it’s pressing on his spinal chord) and coping with life in these difficult times. There have been numerous studies written about the healing effects of this traditional, ancient practice (https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-effect-of-falun-gong-on-health-and-wellness-margaret-trey/1137506903). I am testimony to it. It means I am working on myself, looking deep inside to figure myself out and it highlights any addictions and attachments I may have that are not beneficial to either myself or to others - so it is all good. Recently it has highlighted to me that my comfort eating is a deep rooted issue I need to unearth and overcome, and at the moment I think it is linked to grief or fear…..

Since I began the practice in 2011, I have been campaigning on a huge scale (I’ve organised briefings in Parliament, run local campaigns, coordinated art exhibitions, screened films, spent thousands of hours on the streets handing out information and lots of other things) about the persecution of Falun Dafa who are being targeted and killed by the Chinese communist party (CCP) in China for their beliefs in Truth, Compassion and Tolerance, and forcibly harvested for their organs whilst still alive - more information about this below. It has been traumatic, to say the least, and stressful and taken a tremendous amount of energy, effort and courage for me to stand up to this and not be afraid. Last year on top of this continuous effort I looked after my dying aunt who I loved dearly. It was very intense.

And now, of course, we have Covid-19 which I ‘lovingly’ call the #CCPVirus and we are locked in our homes, not really quite knowing what is going on any more! We are truly living in times of uncertainty. Yet, I believe everything will come good and am optimistic and will carry on doing what I do the best I can.

The CCP’s days are indeed numbered.


Original article - My relationship with food, previously living with M.E. and recovering practicing an ancient, traditional self cultivation way by Becky — Carry Forth Tradition

I KNOW WHO I AM

I’m part of nature. I see it in the vast sky,

I see it in the blackbird, hear it in his song.

Learned in the garden, I feel it.

Carefree and full of love my wish is to be good.

Simple times, no concerns.

Playing, making things to give to others, selfless.

I’m a child; brought up with kindness and created by love.

Somewhere along the way doors close and dark doors open.

Influenced by others unknowingly,

media bombards me,

demands pile up with expectations.

Parents still guide me towards goodness

but the outside world throws me around until

I am following and seeking stimulation

and self-gratification

thinking it is right for many years.

I meet my love in far off lands.

He tells me he is here to rescue me from this

downward path - well-trodden by many.

His hand pulls me up onto a higher track

but it is in the mountains and it’s not an easy climb.

Still, I need to join him.

Another turn, a different environment.

Conforming; it’s exhausting.

Family far away, Husband too, light dims again.

I seek escapism and begin to fall - Literally.

In that moment arms around me

‘I’ve got you!’

Don’t fall down! Keep going!

I firm up.

My steps become steady.

The joyful laughter and sorrow of children around me

gives me responsibilities,

takes attention away from my plight.

Separation from those I love lead to separation from myself.

Distractions numbing the pain.

Why am I here?

What’s the point?

Hopelessness. Wishing for death to come.

A crash – Literally - And in that moment, I am saved again.

Six years ahead of looking and searching for a cure, for the truth

until it appears unexpectedly with those I hold dearest

by the lake of an old volcano in France from the mouth of an English gentleman.

He says ‘Falun Dafa is good. Look it up.’

‘I will.’ I vow.

Stars above reach down to us from the endless vastness.

The truth comes to me, and I wake up.

A beam through my body starts the wheels turning

and I’m once again lit up.

Influence from around seeks my new vulnerabilities.

It pokes my weaknesses.

My chest feels tight, my throat constrained,

I’m speaking truth and it tries to shut me up.

My steps get bolder My armour gets tempered.

My soul is alight.

It can not and must not and will not stop or be restrained anymore!

- I grab my shield and reinforce it from within.

The battle is real. I throw myself in.

The darkness is dark,

the bottomless pit is not bottomless.

I sit in bleakness on black coals surrounded by red embers

in an unfamiliar landscape with an endless horizon.

I feel alone.

‘Why is there no one else here?’

It’s too deep - is the answer.

Yet I was never alone and I know that now.

He walks beside me and shows me the way.

It must be like this to forge a diamond

and mould a heart of gold.

I have to go on and stay on this track

and this is the only way.

With demons exposed there is no going back.

Forward I go. Courage increased.

I dare to be brave.

Self-doubt tries to win pulling my heart, stifling my breath.

Truth’s colours are so bright as they swirl and expand

and the sounds of the heavens play in my ears.

I need to help others

to get back to their homes.

I take up the challenges.

My mission is clear. I learn to trust myself.

My heart beats with purpose, time expands, and me with it.

 Later, recovering, after a successful part of the battle;

I’m an old general slouched in my tent

battle-wounded and bleeding.

Spent, exhausted and old.

Making room for new troops,

tired, time to rebuild and regroup.

Satisfied -

Yet not finished.

The suffering increases.

Life has its course with family duties

old parents to care for, consecutive losses.

Death of the dear ones tempers me further and forces out the pain.

Yet in those moments of being squeezed like a cloth

to get out the last dregs of contaminated water,

light fills my heart, and my head becomes clear.

I see who I am and what I have become

and I know why I am here -

to blaze my own path and create something good.

To hold steady and be firm when the next wave descends upon me.

Death and fear can’t change you

once you’ve seen the light.

My guide is the highest and held in my heart.

I know what to do now and it’s beautiful.

With Faith my journey continues

As I embrace this unfolding mystery.

By Becky James

11 July 2021

Damian Robin 4 years ago  

Thanks Becky for the beautiful, natural way you can talk about yourself, your feeling, challenges, and the people and emotional environments around you through which you battle through and which help you. The closeness of big events in your life, their unexpected wonder, hardness, and your triumph through them. Keep going grrrlll, you are an inspiration. and a strength to those near to you, and those who are further away and dont know of your personal life but whose lives you touch and support firmly. It is good that you are able to write how you benefit from Falun Gong's teaching and presence, that is something I must go deeper into. Thank you for unfolding more of the inner heart of your ongoing travel. Your friend, Damian

Becky James 4 years ago

'Thank you Damian, for reading my 'poem' and for the comment.

Ever since I can remember I have always had moments where I suddenly get the urge to write things down. It is a process that helps me to pour my heart out and to then be objective and to see how I am doing.

Being on an open platform like this, and knowing I am really, literally 'exposing myself' - my inner world, didn't put me off because I understand that, although this was a very personal thing to write, we can relate to other people's experiences in our own ways. If, by doing this, it touches someone's heart, then I feel blessed and it is inspiring.

I believe that we are not alone on our individual journeys and I appreciate the downs as much as I do the ups. Even in the darkest times of my life, the most recent ones being with dad as he was dying, there were some incredibly beautiful and wonderful moments that I hold dearly in my heart. Moments that wouldn't have happened in daily life. The circumstances led to truth and clarity and unconditional love was revealed in it's glory.

And another outcome of this was that I reached out to you (we need a catch up) and to Evan Mantyk from The Society of Classical Poets (https://classicalpoets.org/) and it has opened a new door to me, I loved writing poetry at school and became disillusioned when new and modern ways of writing poetry that didn't rhyme was introduced to us - I just didn't get on with it, so I discarded poetry in my later teens. Thankfully before that, at secondary school, we had a teacher who introduced us to the likes of Wilfred Owen, Siegfried Sassoon and other poets from World War 1, which led to my interest in many things that have helped me along my way.

I may try to write a classical poem one of these days......... the https://classicalpoets.org/ has some really great advice and resources on there to help with this!

Best wishes Damian

The original article with my poem can be seen here - with lots of photos! - I know who I am by Becky James — Carry Forth Tradition

In 2021, John asked me to do some artwork for his book ‘Mapping The Mind’ and was gracious enough to add into my bio at the back of his book, that I practice Falun Dafa and am raising awareness about the persecution. He also included information about ‘End Transplant Abuse in China’.

You can purchase John’s Book Here - https://alpkit.com/products/mapping-the-mind

John’s website - https://big-friend-academy.co.uk

Quite often I mention Shen Yun Performing Arts, my all time favourite show, who are on a mission to revive traditional Chinese culture - ‘China before communism’. Shen Yun was set up by professional artists; dancers and musicians some of whom who had fled China escaping persecution and assembled in New York to continue their beautiful arts and skills, and with this noble mission. I’ve been fortunate enough to have seen Shen Yun performing many times since 2011 and have even taken all my family and many friends and they also love it!

I really enjoy listening to the audience interviews as they tour the world. So many people are inspired by their message of hope in these difficult times.

Shen Yun’s is helping people see the importance of Divine culture in our lives, that of higher morals and universal principles such as truth, compassion, honour, and reminding us that there is a much higher arrangement than we realise. People have said they leave the performance feeling much more hopeful about the future. Many state that they dream of a better world where people return to a more traditional way of life embracing kindness and all those good values and morals.

I would absolutely recommend seeing this beautiful show - Shen Yun Performing Arts | Official Company Site