I was excited when Becky asked me if I would like to contribute to Carry Forth Tradition but then I started to look through old videos that the boys had taken of me and thought that I wouldn’t. The house looks like it’s always in a state of chaos on them. I worked within school hours gardening and then had to cook and help with taking the boys to classes in the evenings plus I was also trying to create art and my skin care brand on top of that. I felt sad.

I figured that a lot of people have a lot of content out there so what’s the point of me adding anymore to the online overload?

I could have said that living by traditional values is all nice and happy and that I have a beautiful life.

Yes, on one hand my environment is beautiful, people say my home is beautiful (it could be better but I’m working on it) and that my garden is amazing. My kids are lovely and all credit to you they say. But it’s not at all easy.

Everyday is a challenge. I could take the easy path and not work on things. I could say that I’m happy inside because my environment is so nice. Looking back on these videos I can say that I was actually very unhappy in myself but, that is a process to look within, and to cultivate these traditional values before anyone can claim they are living by them truthfully.

I hadn’t let some things of the past go, and I was working physically non stop, there is always something to do as a parent and a lone one at that. Fortunately the boys nature is good as I don’t always have time to play and have fun with them, but we make a point of daily hugs at least. I feed them as well as I can, with what we have. It’s always simple homemade foods from scratch with whatever is in the shops, locally usually.

I don’t call people up and don’t have people call me much so I live a very quiet life in that regard. Perhaps my frustrations would be less if I worked on letting sadness and negative emotions subside and flowing with my inner heart and expanding a lot more with my art especially.

I have work to do - we all probably do. To be creative one must always force oneself to push through barriers of emotions or notions - creating traditionally is not about sitting happily and ‘seeing what flows’. It’s about quieting the mind and working on tempering all the demons that will trick you and stop you in anyway from creating greatness in whatever form.

Also one must learn to develop real skills which takes time and effort and breaking through the pain and boredom and monotony that goes with it. Take your time but don’t slack off as they say. Work focused but allow yourself to process your inner world as it ebbs and flows and the dams can break so allow yourself to feel these emotions without dramatising them so much, as it’s releasing them which can mean painfully experiencing them before the dawn of a new passage comes forth.

Our creative journey is always at the beginning and staying humble and open to the evolving process; allowing the darkness to give way to new possibilities of truth and beauty within. Then the truth and Beauty of the universe can also flow through.

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